PSYCHOLOGICAL VIOLENCE AND THE INSTRUMENTALIZATION OF CHILDREN IN CONFLICTUAL FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS - Elhem Beddouda - ETHICA SOCIETAS-Rivista di scienze umane e sociali

Sociological Reading of Vicarious Violence Between Power, Maternal Vulnerability and Maternal Protective Buffering

Abstract: In recent years, sociological and criminological literature has increasingly examined non-physical forms of domestic violence, with particular attention to psychological violence and vicarious violence, in which children are used as instruments of relational control and pressure against the other parent. This paper analyzes these dynamics from a sociological perspective focused on power relations, asymmetries of control within the family, and conditions of maternal vulnerability that emerge especially during phases of separation or conflict. Drawing on classical theories of power and symbolic violence, the article interprets vicarious violence as a form of relational coercion that develops within intimate relationships and manifests through the manipulation of the parent–child bond. Particular attention is paid to the strategies adopted by mothers to protect their children, especially the phenomenon of maternal protective buffering, understood as a process of filtering and managing conflict in order to reduce its emotional impact on children. The analysis highlights how such strategies, although oriented toward the protection of children, may entail significant psychological costs and contribute to the invisibilization of violence. The article concludes with a reflection on the social and institutional implications of recognizing these forms of abuse, emphasizing the need for interpretative frameworks capable of capturing the complexity of conflictual family dynamics.

Keywords: #vicariousviolence #maternalvulnerability #maternalprotectivebuffering #family #relationalcontrol #children #ElhemBeddouda #ethicasocietas #ethicasocietasjournal #scientificjournal #humanities #socialsciences #ethicasocietasupli

Elhem Beddouda, is a professional educator with a degree in Education and Training Sciences from the University of Parma, where she completed a thesis entitled Islam and Educational Function: Perspectives on Religious Assistance in Prison. She is currently enrolled in the Global Studies for Sustainable Local and International Development and Cooperation program at the same university.

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Introduction

Domestic violence is now recognized as a complex and multidimensional phenomenon that includes not only physical aggression but also forms of psychological, economic, and symbolic control. In recent years, sociological research has increasingly focused on the more subtle and less visible ways in which violence manifests within family relationships.

Among these forms of abuse, the instrumentalization of children as a means of emotional coercion against the other parent has gained growing attention. This dynamic is commonly defined as vicarious violence, in which the child is not the primary target but becomes a tool through which psychological harm is inflicted on the partner or former partner.

In such contexts, children are used as a lever of power, through custody threats, emotional manipulation, or strategies aimed at delegitimizing the other parent’s role. The result is a relational dynamic in which adult conflict is projected onto the parental relationship, with significant consequences for the emotional well-being of children and the psychological health of the mother.

Power and Control in Intimate Relationships

To understand psychological violence in family relationships, it is necessary to analyze the dynamics of power that permeate private life. According to Pierre Bourdieu, violence in social relations is not limited to physical coercion but also operates through symbolic violence, that is, forms of domination that are internalized and perceived as natural or inevitable.

Within the family context, symbolic violence may manifest through:

systematic devaluation of the partner
emotional and psychological control
delegitimization of parental competence
manipulation of affective relationships

At the same time, Michel Foucault’s reflections on power emphasize that power does not operate solely from the top down but circulates within social relations through everyday practices of control and discipline. Applied to the family sphere, this perspective allows us to interpret psychological violence as a relational technology of power, through which the aggressor seeks to maintain dominance over the partner even after the relationship has ended.

Vicarious Violence as a Strategy of Control

Vicarious violence represents a specific form of abuse in which the primary target is the mother, while children become instruments through which emotional suffering is inflicted. This dynamic frequently emerges during separation or family conflict, when the loss of control over the partner may lead to behaviors oriented toward revenge or coercion.

In such contexts, children acquire symbolic value linked to the continuity of family power. Through manipulation of the parental relationship, the aggressor may attempt to maintain emotional dominance over the partner, transforming the mother–child bond into a space of psychological pressure.

The perspective of structural violence highlights how these dynamics are not solely the result of individual behavior but may also be influenced by social and cultural structures that legitimize unequal power relations within the family.

The Mother’s Position: Trauma and Parental Responsibility

Mothers involved in dynamics of psychological violence mediated through children often experience a condition of double maternal vulnerability. On the one hand, they are victims of abuse and emotional manipulation; on the other, they feel a strong moral and affective responsibility toward their children.

This condition may generate:

chronic anxiety
hypervigilance
feelings of guilt regarding children’s safety
social isolation

Awareness of the abusive dynamic often represents a crucial turning point, yet it may be accompanied by ambivalence, as separation or confrontation can intensify family conflict.

Effects on Children

Children exposed to intense family conflict and emotional manipulation may develop relational environments characterized by tension and instability. Prolonged exposure to such conditions can affect their emotional and relational development, leading to:

anxiety and emotional insecurity
difficulties in emotional regulation
relational problems
internalization of conflict-based relational models

In this context, the maternal figure often plays a central role in creating a space of emotional safety for children.

Intercultural Couples, Migration, and Relational Vulnerability

Increased international mobility has led to a rise in intercultural couples, where partners come from different social and cultural backgrounds. While such relationships can be enriching, sociological literature highlights potential tensions related to:

differences in gender roles
divergent family expectations
contrasting cultural norms

In migratory contexts, certain conditions may intensify asymmetries of power, including:

economic or administrative dependency
linguistic and social isolation
lack of support networks
differences in parental authority models

These conditions may foster forms of symbolic violence enacted through everyday practices of control.

Protective Motherhood and Maternal Protective Buffering

A useful concept for understanding maternal behavior in conflictual family contexts is maternal protective buffering. This refers to strategies through which a parent seeks to protect children from the emotional impact of conflict by filtering or mitigating the reality of violence.

In the context of psychological violence, this may involve:

absorbing conflict
silently managing tensions
protecting the father’s image in the eyes of the children

This strategy can be interpreted as a form of emotional labor, in which the mother regulates both her own and others’ emotions to maintain family balance. However, it entails significant costs:

chronic stress
emotional isolation
invisibilization of domestic violence

Paradoxically, protecting children may contribute to making violence less visible.

Social and Institutional Implications

Recognizing these dynamics raises important questions for social and legal institutions. Policies aimed at protecting children and addressing domestic violence must consider not only explicit forms of abuse but also the silent strategies through which psychological violence is managed within the family.

Understanding these choices means acknowledging the complexity of maternal protective practices.

Conclusion

Psychological violence and vicarious violence are complex forms of abuse that intertwine emotional dimensions and power relations. Sociological analysis shows that these phenomena cannot be understood solely as private conflicts but must be situated within broader social structures shaping family relationships.

Maternal protective strategies, despite their high personal cost, play a crucial role in safeguarding children’s well-being and in potentially interrupting the intergenerational transmission of violence.

REFERENCES

Bourdieu, P. (2001). Masculine Domination. Stanford University Press.
Foucault, M. (1977). Discipline and Punish: The Birth of the Prison. Pantheon Books.
Galtung, J. (1969). Violence, peace, and peace research. Journal of Peace Research, 6(3), 167–191.
Hochschild, A. R. (1983). The Managed Heart: The Commercialization of Human Feeling. University of California Press.
Walker, L. E. (1979). The Battered Woman. Harper & Row.
Stark, E. (2007). Coercive Control: How Men Entrap Women in Personal Life. Oxford University Press.