SOULS THAT RECOGNIZE EACH OTHER AND FURQĀN (Discernment) - Elhem Beddouda - ETHICA SOCIETAS-Rivista di scienze umane e sociali

Relational discernment between Islamic spirituality and contemporary psychology

Abstract: An interdisciplinary theoretical analysis of deep affective connections through the dialogue between Islamic spiritual tradition and contemporary psychology. The first part examines the theme of recognition between souls, inspired by a well-known hadith reported by al-Bukhārī and Muslim ibn al-Ḥajjāj, relating it to attachment theory and relational neuroscience. The second part explores the concept of furqān (discernment) as an ethical–spiritual criterion for distinguishing authentic connections characterized by sakīnah (inner peace) from dynamics of emotional dependency associated with dysfunctional taʿalluq. The analysis argues that the quality of a relationship cannot be assessed solely on the basis of initial emotional intensity, but requires time, observation, and metacognitive awareness of inner states. From this perspective, an integrated interpretative model emerges in which spirituality and the social sciences converge in understanding relational maturity.

Keywords: #Furqan #Taalluq #Sakina #Attachment #RecognitionBetweenSouls #RelationalPsychology #IslamicSpirituality #Discernment #HumanRelationships #ElhemBeddouda #ethicasocietas #ethicasocietasjournal #scientificjournal #humanities #socialsciences #ethicasocietasupli

Elhem Beddouda, professional educator with a degree in Sciences of Education and Training Processes from the University of Parma, with a thesis entitled “Islam and the Educational Function. Perspectives on Religious Assistance in Prison”. She is currently enrolled in the degree programme “Global Studies for Sustainable Local and International Development and Cooperation” at the same university.

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The question of deep connections between individuals has for centuries been explored both in religious reflection and in contemporary psychological inquiry. In Islamic tradition, a widely cited hadith states:

“Souls are like enlisted soldiers: those who recognize one another are drawn together, and those who do not recognize one another drift apart.”
[Al-Bukhārī, Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī, Kitāb al-Anbiyāʾ; Muslim ibn al-Ḥajjāj, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim]

Over the centuries, this statement has generated theological and spiritual interpretations that view meaningful human encounters as possessing a dimension that is not purely accidental. At the same time, relational psychology and neuroscience have investigated the mechanisms of attraction, compatibility, and attachment, offering empirical explanations for the phenomenon of immediate interpersonal resonance.

This contribution develops along two complementary directions. First, it analyzes the theme of the recognition between souls, placing the Islamic spiritual perspective in dialogue with major theories in the social sciences. Second, it explores the concept of furqān, understood as a criterion of relational discernment capable of distinguishing authentic connection from emotional dependency through the category of taʿalluq.

Souls That Recognize One Another: Spiritual and Psychological Perspectives

In Islamic tradition, souls (arwāḥ) are conceived as realities created before bodies and endowed with an original disposition—fitrah—oriented toward recognizing goodness and truth. The Qur’an symbolically recalls this primordial dimension in the so-called primordial covenant between God and humanity:

“And when your Lord took from the children of Adam—from their loins—their descendants and made them testify concerning themselves: ‘Am I not your Lord?’ They said, ‘Yes, we bear witness.’”
[Qur’an 7:172]

The encounter between individuals who experience an immediate sense of harmony can therefore be interpreted, from this perspective, as the echo of a preexisting relationship in the unseen dimension, inscribed in qadar, the divine decree.

This vision, however, does not imply fatalism. While the encounter itself may belong to the divine design, the moral quality of the relationship depends on the choices, intentions, and ethical responsibility of the individuals involved. Not every attraction can be interpreted as a sign of righteousness: only those connections that foster inner growth, emotional balance, and movement toward the good can be considered authentic.

The Qur’an itself reminds believers that human beings do not always immediately perceive what is truly beneficial:

“Perhaps you dislike something while it is good for you, and perhaps you love something while it is bad for you. God knows, and you do not know.”
[Qur’an 2:216]

From the perspective of the social sciences, immediate affinity can be interpreted through several theoretical models. The principle of homophily suggests that individuals with similar values, experiences, and personality traits tend to perceive one another as compatible. Attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby and later expanded by Mary Ainsworth, shows how human beings unconsciously recognize familiar relational patterns that can activate feelings of safety or alarm.

Relational neuroscience has further highlighted the role of emotional resonance and neurobiological synchronization. Elements such as tone of voice, body posture, facial expression, and physiological rhythms can generate processes of affective attunement, reinforcing the subjective perception of mutual recognition.

What spirituality interprets as the echo of an original familiarity between souls is therefore described by science as the convergence of psychological predispositions, relational schemas, and neurobiological dynamics.

Yet both perspectives converge on a key insight: initial attraction does not necessarily coincide with relational stability. An encounter may occur spontaneously, but a lasting relationship is always the result of gradual construction.

Furqān: Discernment as a Relational Criterion

The term furqān, derived from the Arabic root F-R-Q (“to separate,” “to distinguish”), indicates the capacity to discern between truth and falsehood, benefit and harm, righteousness and deviation. In the Qur’an, the sacred text itself is described as al-Furqān, the “criterion of distinction” (Qur’an 25:1).

Verse 8:29 states that taqwā—ethical and spiritual awareness—leads to receiving an inner criterion of discernment:

“O you who believe, if you are mindful of God, He will grant you a furqān.”
[Qur’an 8:29]

Applied to the relational sphere, furqān becomes the ability to question the quality of a bond beyond the initial emotional euphoria.

Emotional intensity does not necessarily coincide with relational depth. An authentic connection is recognized not only through the strength of emotion but through the effects it produces over time: inner stability, ethical growth, and an expansion of self-awareness.

Taʿalluq and Attachment: When the Heart Becomes Attached

In Islamic spiritual vocabulary, taʿalluq refers to the attachment of the heart. Human beings are inherently relational, and affective bonds are not an anthropological error but a fundamental dimension of human experience.

However, attachment can assume different forms.

When the heart remains rooted in God as the ultimate source of meaning and security, human relationships become a gift and a sign. In this balanced form, the relationship generates sakīnah, a profound inner peace that stabilizes emotion without eliminating it. The Qur’an states:

“And among His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you may find tranquility (sakīnah) in them.”
[Qur’an 30:21]

The other person is chosen but not absolutized; distance generates longing but not disintegration; silence does not become an existential threat. This dynamic corresponds to what contemporary psychology describes as secure attachment: intimacy without loss of autonomy and closeness without the dissolution of personal identity.

By contrast, anxious taʿalluq emerges when the other becomes the primary source of emotional regulation. The heart clings, fear of loss exceeds trust, and uncertainty activates a state of emotional hypervigilance. Psychologically, this configuration corresponds to anxious attachment, characterized by a constant need for reassurance and intense emotional fluctuations.

A third configuration is the avoidant pattern, in which vulnerability is perceived as a risk and emotional distance becomes a defensive strategy. In this case, control protects against instability but also prevents the depth of genuine relational engagement.

Initial Turbulence, Time, and Revelation

The beginning of a relationship is often characterized by intense neurobiological activation. Neurotransmitters such as dopamine, oxytocin, and cortisol contribute to generating a simultaneous state of euphoria, attraction, and uncertainty.

At this stage, the brain cannot immediately distinguish between healthy excitement and the reactivation of previous emotional wounds. For this reason, relational discernment cannot be instantaneous.

Time becomes the primary revealer of the quality of the bond. Sakīnah tends to consolidate progressively, generating centering and stability. Emotional dependency, by contrast, tends to intensify over time, fueling anxiety and the need for control.

Silence and distance function as amplifiers of relational truth: where authentic connection exists, stability remains; where dependency dominates, obsession and emotional disintegration emerge.

Furqān as Ethical–Spiritual Metacognition

Furqān can also be interpreted as a form of spiritual metacognition—the capacity to observe one’s inner states without being dominated by them.

The central question therefore becomes:

Does this relationship make me more stable or more fragile?

Does it bring me closer to my integrity, or does it force me to diminish myself in order to be accepted?

A mature relationship implicitly affirms: “I choose you, while preserving my integrity.”

Dependency instead states: “I need you in order to exist.”

Conclusion

The dialogue between Islamic spirituality and contemporary psychology shows that deep connections cannot be evaluated solely on the basis of initial emotional intensity.

Relational maturity requires time, discernment, and inner awareness. The concept of furqān emerges as an integrative criterion capable of distinguishing between sakīnah and agitation, between love that expands and attachment that constricts.

From this perspective, love is not denied but purified and oriented: the heart may become attached without transforming the relative into the absolute.

True peace does not eliminate passion—it guides it.

BIBLIOGRAFIA ESSENZIALE

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