Violence is not destiny, but a culture to be dismantled: educating for respect to heal a society sick with silence
Abstract: Gender-based violence is not an isolated phenomenon but the symptom of a cultural system that still bears the marks of patriarchy. The article explores the psychological, social, and cultural mechanisms that fuel this form of violence, highlighting how the “ghosts” of male dominance persist even in the most developed societies. Through the emblematic case of Lombardy — an economically advanced region marked by an alarming rise in domestic violence — the gap between material progress and cultural backwardness is exposed. The text also analyzes trauma bonding, the neurochemical link that chains victims to their abusers, and gaslighting, the psychological manipulation that destroys one’s perception of reality. There is a collective responsibility — the duty to break the silence, educate for respect, and transform the culture of love into a culture of freedom and dignity.
Keywords: #GenderBasedViolence #StopViolence #GenderEquality #WomensRights #FemaleEmpowerment #CultureOfRespect #Patriarchy #Equality #YouAreNotAlone #BreakTheSilence #Femicide #PsychologicalViolence #Gaslighting #TraumaBonding #ToxicRelationships #FemaleLiberation #Awareness #CulturalChange #CultureOfFreedom #EducateForRespect #Respect #NoToViolence #HealthyLove #1522 #ItalyAgainstViolence #WomenUnited #SupportForWomen #StopAbuse #Lombardy #HumanRights #DeborahBreda #EthicaSocietas #ScientificJournal #ethicasocietasjournal #scientificjournal #ethicasocietasupli
Introduction: The Ghosts of Patriarchy in Contemporary Society
The sound of a key turning in the lock should not make one’s heart tremble. Yet, for too many women, that simple noise marks the beginning of a nightmare. Gender-based violence is not an emergency—it is a creeping epidemic that crosses our society, feeding on silence and indifference.
Violence against women is deeply rooted in a patriarchal cultural soil. Despite the legal and social progress of recent decades, the ghosts of patriarchy continue to wander within domestic walls. These toxic residues of a culture that still struggles to accept true gender equality manifest themselves in the double burden that weighs on women: on one side, the pursuit of personal and professional fulfillment; on the other, the traditional roles of wife and mother—often at the expense of their own safety and dignity.
The Lombard Paradox: Economic Progress vs Cultural Backwardness
Lombardy, a region at the forefront economically, represents a striking paradox: in 2023, Anti-Violence Centers assisted around 7,000 women (Polis Lombardia, 2025), with a 20% increase in calls to 1522. How can this contradiction be explained?
Female autonomy, though formally recognized, is still perceived as a threat by men raised in the shadow of a patriarchal ideology never fully overcome. It is the dissonance between rights achieved on paper and deep-rooted cultural resistance that creates fertile ground for domestic violence.
The Neurochemical Short Circuit of Toxic Love
The question “Why doesn’t she leave?” arises from a fundamental misunderstanding. That woman is neither weak nor naive—she is trapped in a traumatic bond forged by the chemistry of the brain. After the horror of the acute phase, the brain, exhausted by trauma, is flooded during the “reconciliation” phase by a surge of dopamine and endogenous opioids. This neurochemical cocktail produces intense relief and creates a distorted association: the end of pain becomes the most powerful source of pleasure and comfort. This is the essence of trauma bonding—the traumatic attachment that chains the victim to her abuser.
It is crucial to understand that a woman in this situation is not weak, stupid, or manipulative. On the contrary, she is trapped within a perverse mechanism where the abuse itself hijacks the brain’s normal attachment and reward circuits. It is as if her mind has been hacked by violence.
The Manipulation that Erases Reality: Gaslighting
“It didn’t happen.” “You’re exaggerating.” “You’re too sensitive.” Gaslighting is the manipulative strategy that completes the work of annihilation. Through the systematic denial of reality, the aggressor induces the victim to doubt her sanity, her memories, and her perception.
The result is an emotional short circuit that turns the woman into an accomplice of her own tormentor. It’s like being locked in a prison while being told that the cell doesn’t exist.
Voices from the Chemical Prison
Imagine walking on eggshells in a room full of landmines. The simple sound of a key turning in the lock paralyzes your heart.
He’s about to come in. And you don’t know what you’ll find: the man from the day before who made you laugh, or the beast from that night who pushed you against the wall and humiliated, beat, and broke you.
Then the storm explodes. And when you try to escape, the most treacherous trap snaps shut: the “honeymoon.”
He doesn’t repent—he performs. “See? I’ve changed,” he says. But it’s only the bait to reclaim his prey.
Toward Collective Liberation
Breaking the cycle of violence requires a profound cultural change beginning with the education of new generations. To our sons, brothers, and nephews, we must teach that true love does not hurt, control, or humiliate.
To the women who suffer in silence: your first whispered “enough” is already a cry of freedom. Calling 1522 does not necessarily mean reporting, but beginning to detoxify from that chemical prison.
To the bystanders: stop asking “Why doesn’t she leave?” and start asking “How can I help her?” That cry you hear through the wall might one day become a funeral lament you can no longer answer. Do not be spectators to a foretold murder.
When you remain silent in the face of violence, you leave a woman alone with her executioner. And behind that closed door, you teach a child how to hit a woman. When you stay silent before violence… you sign the sentence of two lives.
BIBLIOGRAPHIC NOTES
• Herman, J.L. (1992). Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence.
• Dutton, D.G. (1995). The Batterer: A Psychological Profile.
• Fisher, S. (2006). The Neurobiology of Abuse.
• Cyrulnik, B. (2009). Resilience: How Your Inner Strength Can Free You from the Past.
• Campbell, J.C. (2004). Helping Women Understand Their Experience of Violence.
• Chiari, A.F. (2023). The Silence and the Cries of Women.
• Ministry for Equal Opportunities, Italy. 1522 Helpline – Anti-Violence Service.
• National Observatory “Non Una Di Meno” (2025). Report on Femicide in Italy.
• UIL Milan Lombardy (2023). Study on Femicide in Lombardy.
• Il Fatto Quotidiano (2025). Femicide Reports 2025.
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